Come on whisper it once.

So as the Month of March closes  all that comes with it collapses.

No more march badassness. 

My grandparents are leaving.

School is almost over. Thank god.

So more juicy gossip I may present.

 I have walking pneumonia, which fucking sucks. I came back to Tempe  Saturday to a warm welcoming. Then throw in a mustashe party.. which I had a panic attack at.

I met the redheads family. I just kind of want to know what he wants from me. I am  kind of  confused. You just don't someones family do you? 

I guess you really are never going to get what you want. Like Purdue winning March Madness,  or getting the last cookie from the cookie jar.

But I suppose that's all.

Paisley Jane signing off.

raindrops keep falling on my head.

As the end of March approaches so do the cold and flu season- or in my case walking pnuemonia.

Yeah, so much fun. Mind you in the past 24 hours I haven't slept. I haven't really heard from anyone. I saw my sorority sisters which was interesting  considering I didn't talk. I just sat there and watched ( I also don't have a voice). Alot of the girls worry me in the sheer fact that they just discovered people may like them for what they are - not who they are. But what do I know.. apparently nothing

Boys. The good the bad and the ugly.

lets go from the ugly to the good.

Ugly- Redhead. throughout this whole week of me being sick he didn't believe nonetheless are that i was sick and or try to do anything.  I would love to be worth something to this kid but thereis no way to do so. I have for the most part stopped trying. He's currently texting me pointless messages. I remember not even a month ago where he would drive up  to Phoenix to see me. I am sorry- I know you don't want a relationship from me I do believe that you should treat me  with some sort of respect. And RESPECT not just in the sleeping with no one ese factor. I want someone I could actually trust to have a coversation with. But apparently thats not how it works.

Bad-

An old friend who got a girlfriend andrrecntly broke up with  her is annoying the crap out me. he's all your great i could be a great rebound we both need one etc.(FYI I need nothing) He's been way too overbearing while I have been sick asking me if I need anything  and then of course not being able to because I live in Phoenix. GO FUCKING FIGURE. I wouldn't want anything from him. I deserve someone who thinks I am good enough the first time around K thanks.

The good.

The little jew who could I would like to call it. He was a dark horse through most of my trials and tribulations. I had a nice time with him at the cooking class. he's been messaging me- to do stuff after I get better. he shows potential it's refreshing.

And FML.

It seems to me that maybe,It pretty much always means no

Well, its two days after St. Patricks day-- and I feel like garbage. 

Physically, emotionally, mentally. 

I am at this breaking point. Where I am going to just scream in everyones face.

I feel like I am those religious nutbags on campus. Preaching something no body cares about or even willing to listen.

And when I listen I get this..

A friend was telling me about how I am this amazing person. Because I could detect that his relationship was going down the shitter before it even started. Go figure. 

I tried to open up again. But once again someone was in a crabby mood and felt shut out that was awesome. Makes me feel happy as a clam. 

I went to the Phoenix Suns game yesterday. We won. I lost my voice. I started puking when I got to the Redheads house. 

Woke up with morning with no voice. And a fever.

Still did my midterm and a 3 page paper. But you know- the worse you feel the more you get done. 

Or atleast in my case.

The sorority is interesting. I got "big" or like mentor sister. She's a real sweet girl. But the other girls I feel in alot of cases that I don't fit in if that makes any sense. Most of them don't work. Alot of them come from wealthy families. I am not saying that this is a bad thing. But  when saying you have to work, and do everything else- it would be nice to have someone to relate to.

I am back to have those panic attacks. Had one at 3 am this morning. I just let him lie there next me. As he was somber I kind of  felt neglected. Here I am in hysterics. Noticing that I haven't really needed anyone. But when it comes to the point of wanting someone in your life. They either push you away- get sucked into something/someone/ or are sleeping.

Can I be the one sleeping? Or am I always just there for everyone else?

Hopefully my throat will feel better by 5... I am seeing Rent. If I feel like shit- hopefully, I wont go to work tomorrow.

Just a few thoughts.

Hopefully ASU beats Temple tomorrow!

My roomate is gone for the weekend.

So is the dog!

Maybe if I block everyone out of my life- maybe that will make people want to get to know me better and know why I am so cynical or wait is that someone else?

Blackbird singing in the dead of night.

 I have not blogged well since before V-day. And BOY alot has happened since.

Basically, the sorority is going well minus being on the dirty. Le shrug. I figure you know- it just gets more people to know me and or about me. It was rude, and crude- especially since  I went to a party later that week and was asked if I was on it. I just went yeah. I love how people get misconceptions of me from one silly picture. Such is life.

In other news males are interesting. I still liked the redheaded one. He makes me giggle, smile, and all of those  great feeling things. I just feel kind of stuck with the feeling of wanting more or just being happy where I am at. I haven't really had feelings for a person like this before. I am usually used to someone harassing me as a joke but then its the little things like him winking or kissing me on the cheek. I even tried opening up to him. I just don't do that. I am never just ready to open up to someone. And for some odd reason. I would love to with him. I am just afraid.

Along the lines of boys.

Another boy is around who I am almost sure is interested . But I don't know what to feel/expect. He's a nice guy. Hung up over a girl. Like they all are. I was his DD on Tuesday after his Frat had a party. It was funny as he yelled in the parking lot of his complex,"You're really fucking cute." I laughed. That's my reaction to anything a goofy drunk says.

Shrug. The sorority stuff  has been going well. I love the girls. They are a good bunch of people. Even though the redheads new avorite term for me is sorority slut.