Monday, December 29, 2008

"People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Well as Christmas came and went. It fucking crazy. Well what else is new.
My best friend- well out of 2. Went to Jail.  4th street. Fucking nuts. Most of it is BS. And I am  worried about her. She was talking about killing herself earlier. Scares me shitless especially after Jake. I worry about her. Her family is kind of a mess- if you ever read this  I am sorry but dealing with the older brother it kind of is. She just needs some stability. With the 2 felonies she got- she no longer persue her dream of becoming a teacher. Which is fucking lame. You egg someones car, and leave them notes you get 2 felonies. And he thinks your threatening life? Please.
In other more exciting news. Today at work I got paid 50 bucks to play laser tag. FUCK YEAH your jealous. See I knew it.
I found out- that my friends mother used to be the security guard at my high school it was kind of strange seeing the lady  who always yelled at my friends( within good reason) in her PJ's.
Oh and if you ever read this- remember that guy.
Yeah I got an present from him.Cute necklace. We did a little exchange it was cute...
Yeah.. I am thinking too much. People can their lives get better so I can stop fixing them? K thanks?
Oh yeah I did a bad thing. Oh well.

Monday, December 22, 2008

omnia causa fiunt

My title- omnia causa fiunt. <~ That's in Latin.Everything happens for a reason.. well atleast thats what it is in English.
I have been a big believer in this motto for a long time.
But I have been at a crossroads at what I want.
There is this guy-.. ( yeah there is always a guy)
I have been hanging out with him for a few weeks well since around Halloween. Things started out slow just kind of hanging out. Goofing around picking on each other.
My friend, Danielle noticed it first. We were at Tyler's party. He kept touching me, picked me up when he hugged me. My friend, Kim said- This isn't dirty dancing. Do not put Jill in a corner.
Let me back up- and describe him a bit.
6'2 Red hair. Green eyes. Charming as hell. Smart as hell. I haven't ever been able to have a conversation with a man about Thoreau in years( or well since junior year in high school english when we were talking about it.).Well minus Sena but he doesn't count.( No offense.) Has decent taste in movies- or well ones I like. And reads as much as I do- if not more.
He does cute things. Never really had that experience. It's nice. I enjoy it.

But of course there is something I am afraid of. Before I dive in head first.
My friend, liked him. I suppose alot. She got out of a relationship- they kind of dated kind of not.
I kind of feel like I am stuck there.
I have no idea where the hell I am in with all of this.
The most of an answer is- from his friend, Luke," You know, you make him happy- right?"
Which is nice to hear. It's even nicer to know I feel the same way.
But really. What am I to do?
With this kid- I actually want to learn more- and tell him things about me. Which I don't ever want to do with people. Hello I write in a blog. I don't tell everyone my stories. I think thats kind of a sign.
Hopefully something good would happen. I need it.
Love is an attempt to change a piece of a dream-world into reality.- Thoreau

Sunday, October 12, 2008

If you were falling...

Hi. if you want to read this email.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Well I believe Jesus was a jew... but he sure wasn't my savoir.

So today... I went to Sedona. If you any of you have been to sedona its one of the prettiest places in the world. Red rocks everywhere great weather.
Well We were basically committing some offense by spreading Lorraine's ashes.. in the rocks in some indian reservation area thing... by a catholic church.
Mind you...
this week
I have worked 48 hours.
Lots of kids
Hiked 2 miles yesterday.
And hiked 3 miles today
And was forced to deal with her kids and was asked when did my boobs grow inn by Lorraines grandson.
Im getting the to point of stressing at no end around those two.
I ended up with 12 bug bites and a splotchy rash.
Go me!
In other news I love Rock Springs pie.
And am honing into - 2 weeks of celibacy but not without offer.
I think i want it.. it relieves stress.
Everything is worked out with moving in with Yvonne. So that should be good. Seems like a good girl that I have know for forever.
I have been thinking about someone I knew ... pretty well. IN ALL ASPECTS...
and why do people care so much about things... that well people don't care about and or want to fix.
I also am mentioning that vegetarianism pisses me off. Because it makes no sense to someone likeme who sees the purpose if you use alot of the animal. Big deal cows fart methane.Get a chemist out there to go collect farts.
I wonder if vegetarianism really helps.. and if veganism does.
I think its fucking pointless.
I also think that religion is a joke after toward I kept getting told shit about jesus and how he loves me and that good garb.
I can't do it. I like things that are tactile something I can believe in.
I have had very little faith in most things in life.
I have never been one much for emotions its difficult to express soemthing if the person your talking to doesn't grasp the knowledge of - I think im n lvoe with you but- don't quote me on that.
I ponder what love is like.
I also wonder what happened to Twila and Craig.He's a jerk... totally ... not even in person.
I hate bug bites.
I hate being told i am a bad person because i dont have faith in Jesus...
I am fucking amazing
and once you think your cool- someone is always cooler than you.

I also am loving the ray charles song them that got.

And one of my kids I work with has a disese only 1 in one million has where he doesn't have any melinin in his skin.
Im also mad that everyone seems to be fighting.
I want schoolt o start and I want something amazing to happen.

That is all.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

This whole growing up thing is complete bullshit.

Well I should probably introduce myself as Paisley Jane. Student at the largest university in America. Studying to help people out and end up making no money. Such is life right?
I changed from Education to Family and human development. Alot of things pop in and out of my head and wanted something so i can vent about my many friend/bitches/and or boos.

So get this. I am starting my second year in college and pumped. Well minus the whole factor of me not having much money. But hopefully ASU will finally give me my long awaited refund. So I can have a safe/ secure move in.

In other news, I feel kind of screwed over in the men department.
I know I am pretty good person. Work with children, volunteer, help the community that jazz.
But when people look at me is really all they see is sex? Atleast at the ges of 18-25?

I was talking to an old friend last night, lets call him- Christian. And we were talking about how everyone is paired up. And if your single and seen with more than one person it seems somewhat promiscous?
The other idea was - how is love suppose to feel. Yeah I might have enough experience to run a small brothel in Holland. But the real attachment to love? How does that work? I am almost positive that it doesn't work the way most think of it does- become a friend, fall in love, gt knocked up and or married get a divorce and the cycle continues. What qualifies as a lasting relationship? Does it bring you joy or pain?
All I know is that I am deeply afraid of some sort of relationship in the romantic way because I tend to attract similar people. Moody, intelligent, and unsociable.
In return all I want really- is a sociable , fun, artsy, romantic type of person.
And no romance doesn't always means flowers just something different that I can appreciate.
How can you feel stable without sex. Let's try another week of celibacy- week two?
Will I get more comfortable with the idea of hwo I want to get someone to know me personally before Iam sexual with them?
Or should I just fuck and suck?
Because at this age.
I don't think I can handle... monogamy.
Especially after that last nutcase I had.