Sunday, July 20, 2008

This whole growing up thing is complete bullshit.

Well I should probably introduce myself as Paisley Jane. Student at the largest university in America. Studying to help people out and end up making no money. Such is life right?
I changed from Education to Family and human development. Alot of things pop in and out of my head and wanted something so i can vent about my many friend/bitches/and or boos.

So get this. I am starting my second year in college and pumped. Well minus the whole factor of me not having much money. But hopefully ASU will finally give me my long awaited refund. So I can have a safe/ secure move in.

In other news, I feel kind of screwed over in the men department.
I know I am pretty good person. Work with children, volunteer, help the community that jazz.
But when people look at me is really all they see is sex? Atleast at the ges of 18-25?

I was talking to an old friend last night, lets call him- Christian. And we were talking about how everyone is paired up. And if your single and seen with more than one person it seems somewhat promiscous?
The other idea was - how is love suppose to feel. Yeah I might have enough experience to run a small brothel in Holland. But the real attachment to love? How does that work? I am almost positive that it doesn't work the way most think of it does- become a friend, fall in love, gt knocked up and or married get a divorce and the cycle continues. What qualifies as a lasting relationship? Does it bring you joy or pain?
All I know is that I am deeply afraid of some sort of relationship in the romantic way because I tend to attract similar people. Moody, intelligent, and unsociable.
In return all I want really- is a sociable , fun, artsy, romantic type of person.
And no romance doesn't always means flowers just something different that I can appreciate.
How can you feel stable without sex. Let's try another week of celibacy- week two?
Will I get more comfortable with the idea of hwo I want to get someone to know me personally before Iam sexual with them?
Or should I just fuck and suck?
Because at this age.
I don't think I can handle... monogamy.
Especially after that last nutcase I had.

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