Get Ready because here I come.

Hey all it's been awhile since I last blogged. What has been going on in my world? Well work is super boring. It's starting to get annoying.

School has started.

 My first class was Math

As most of you know, I am not a big fan of math. I hate Math... it's horrible. I am doing okay in it right now.

Then I have Family Cultural and Ethnic Diversity.

The teacher is super energetic. Which I really like. Plus in the first class we watched an episode of the office which I freaking love. We shall see how these classes go.

Then  I had parent adolescence relationships. It was interesting.  The teacher is a snooze. Were watching a video about the brain tomorrow.

Then English is boring- basically with Mr. Garrison. So funny.

Courtship and Marriage is funny- it's with FEY so it's usually pretty amusing. Plus its my last class of the day.

In other news. The redheaded boy  and I are taking things slow. God only knows whats going on in his brian. But Ia m okay with taking things slow. Good things come to those who wait.

He's been sick. :(

 I also have been wondering why he keeps thinkings I would drop him. he says something along the lines of do you know how many guys would want to date you? I  figure if I am with him. that's what counts. I am not into cheating. But thats me.

I am sick. WTF.

Okay I never get sick. Minus my Crohns. And I get sick. Partially because of taking care of the boy. Partially because I fucking am sick- and kids at work are getting sick.

 

I am exhausted.

I have watched -

Saved

Because I Said So

American Teen

Later I am watching 

CAMP

And Shawshank Redemption.

and pineapple express.

FIX ME.

More Than A Feeling.

So the wonderful world of me is confusing. I usually am super fucking confident. Fucking badass. I know what I want and how to get it.

Just not as of lately. 

I am a big mess of confusion.

I am starting to trust someone. Yeah it took a few months. But I am. It scares the living shit out of me.

I have never been one to trust... EVER. 

Especially after the whole jewdouche  incident and his snagglenosed bitch expelling my secret that no one really needed to know about.

I dont get jealous. And I am fucking jealous- and it's over nothing.

I feel like screaming into a pillow and beating up people.

I don't get crushes. I don't hold shit in and what am I doing?

EXACTLY That.

And why the fuck do I feel like I have connection with someone- and I can't think of what that connection is minus

-family life

-movies

-hookah

- dead baby jokes

- friends.

- and he's a dynamite kisser.

- kind of gets why life just sucks sometimes

- isn't a little bitch about my stomach

- and he listens. it's nice. it's not even rude.

- plus the sarcasm is a turn on.

And why the fuck am I still rambling.

In other news. 

Crohns and colitis walk 4-18-09

go to it. Not relay for life. they fucking suck.

Advice?

K thanks

I keep wanting to say I am happy in this spot. i just keep getting more and more confused with things.I hate that.

Maybe I want something more. 

But that wont happen knowing him.

I am a fierce bitch.

So like normal I am good house wife. I made chicken and noodles last night. Got drunk. Spilled my stupid pathetic feelings out. True story.
Okay let me begin where it all started. So that guy the one who bought the necklace- I was making him dinner. He has made me dinner twice. So I thought. Who doesn't love homemade chicken and noodles. They are really that good. And Brian said, he was bored. So I let him come over. STUPID MISTAKE. Let me get into who Brian is- Brian is a gay black guy that is crazy. So crazy he broke into my apartment. So lame.
And then it turned into a party. This guy, garrett, lori, kim, and heather along with brian came over.
I got jealous over the guy who bought a necklace. Which all brought some shit out. I decided- hey lets get drunk.
And drunk did I get.
Everyone slowly left minus Garrett. He kind of came onto me. But I kicked everyone out. And who was at my door...
Nothing else but Jordan! He needed helped. I was drunk and was a bitch I feel bad about that. But I wanted to fix some problems with the necklace boy.
SHRUG.
I ended up talking to his friend, lets call him sprouts boy. He basically told me we were both afraid of a relationship.
We ended up talking about what we wanted. It was refreshing. A healthy kind of talk. I like those. Although I was trashed.
So I wake up. And go back to my apartment to brian at my apartment in boy short blaring club music. AFTER HE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE.
Shrug.

I really am confused and don't know what to do. I like necklace boy and i get that we both should wait to trust each other because fuck we all know I have trust issues. But I really think something good could come out of it.

Best wishes. And a damn happy new year.

I had one. And an amazing new years kiss.

"People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Well as Christmas came and went. It fucking crazy. Well what else is new.

My best friend- well out of 2. Went to Jail.  4th street. Fucking nuts. Most of it is BS. And I am  worried about her. She was talking about killing herself earlier. Scares me shitless especially after Jake. I worry about her. Her family is kind of a mess- if you ever read this  I am sorry but dealing with the older brother it kind of is. She just needs some stability. With the 2 felonies she got- she no longer persue her dream of becoming a teacher. Which is fucking lame. You egg someones car, and leave them notes you get 2 felonies. And he thinks your threatening life? Please.

In other more exciting news. Today at work I got paid 50 bucks to play laser tag. FUCK YEAH your jealous. See I knew it.

I found out- that my friends mother used to be the security guard at my high school it was kind of strange seeing the lady  who always yelled at my friends( within good reason) in her PJ's.

Oh and if you ever read this- remember that guy.

Yeah I got an present from him.Cute necklace. We did a little exchange it was cute...

Yeah.. I am thinking too much. People can their lives get better so I can stop fixing them? K thanks?

Oh yeah I did a bad thing. Oh well.

omnia causa fiunt

My title- omnia causa fiunt. <~ That's in Latin.Everything happens for a reason.. well atleast thats what it is in English.
I have been a big believer in this motto for a long time.
But I have been at a crossroads at what I want.
There is this guy-.. ( yeah there is always a guy)
I have been hanging out with him for a few weeks well since around Halloween. Things started out slow just kind of hanging out. Goofing around picking on each other.
My friend, Danielle noticed it first. We were at Tyler's party. He kept touching me, picked me up when he hugged me. My friend, Kim said- This isn't dirty dancing. Do not put Jill in a corner.
Let me back up- and describe him a bit.
6'2 Red hair. Green eyes. Charming as hell. Smart as hell. I haven't ever been able to have a conversation with a man about Thoreau in years( or well since junior year in high school english when we were talking about it.).Well minus Sena but he doesn't count.( No offense.) Has decent taste in movies- or well ones I like. And reads as much as I do- if not more.
He does cute things. Never really had that experience. It's nice. I enjoy it.

But of course there is something I am afraid of. Before I dive in head first.
My friend, liked him. I suppose alot. She got out of a relationship- they kind of dated kind of not.
I kind of feel like I am stuck there.
I have no idea where the hell I am in with all of this.
The most of an answer is- from his friend, Luke," You know, you make him happy- right?"
Which is nice to hear. It's even nicer to know I feel the same way.
But really. What am I to do?
With this kid- I actually want to learn more- and tell him things about me. Which I don't ever want to do with people. Hello I write in a blog. I don't tell everyone my stories. I think thats kind of a sign.
Hopefully something good would happen. I need it.
Love is an attempt to change a piece of a dream-world into reality.- Thoreau

If you were falling...

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